I realized I haven’t posted a blog entry all year, mostly because I’ve got not much to post about. But with 2019 closing in a couple of weeks, the end of the decade is nearly at hand too, and it’s got me in an introspective mood.

I spent most of the year not working, having left my full-time job late 2018. There’s a part of me that wants to go full-time freelancing as a graphic designer, yet there’s another part that craves the stability of another office job. On one hand, hurray freedom! On the other, hurray stable income stream! I’m leaning towards working as a freelancer, but there’s still a part of me that’s scared AF.

I also have spent more than a quarter of 2019 outside of the Philippines, travelling to the US to spend time with my mom and relatives based there. It was nice to reconnect with cousins I haven’t seen in years, if not decades, and meeting everyone else who hasn’t been able to visit Manila. Everyone I met had been lovely and kind, which made the trip a very nice change of pace.

For the most part, 2019 was good, if finding good freelance work was tough. It was a slow year, but I think I needed slow for a while to mend and take stock of where I am, and what I want to do in the future.

It’s been a sad (bad?) decade, and I feel like all I have to show for it is a diagnosis and some time mending and learning. Of course, friends and family are bright spots that remind me to keep loving myself, even the ugly scarred bits, and to keep trying to be a better person.

Next year is 2020, and I hope it grants me the clarity of purpose, the bravery to pursue it, and the joy of fulfillment. And I hope the new year grants the same to you.

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